you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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