My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
