he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
