but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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