My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
