True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
