If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
