quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
