Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
