last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
