At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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