R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
