dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
