Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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