WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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