you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
