hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
