I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has the fingertips of a God
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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