Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
