it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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