seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
