Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
