I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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