i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's always time for handjobs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
