I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
