Whod you bang
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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