Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
