i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dear god my vagina.
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