I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
