apparently the secret to your success is patron
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
