i need an iv and a liver transplant
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
