well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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