I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My breasts were aching with rage.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
