genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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