Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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