I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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