she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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