I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
