Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
not ubering you a puppy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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