fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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