and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
