I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
