The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
