Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is wine microwaveable?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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