He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You ruined the universe
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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