Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
