Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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