yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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