Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
