you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
