i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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