I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
