I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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