and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
