I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They have beer where we have blood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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