I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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