Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
