I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
