All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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