i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
