how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
