The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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