I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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