he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
