I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
