They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
