if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
