He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
