I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
