Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
