so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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