The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
